The Chance to Play Unplugged

The bassist leans forward and presses a button on his laptop keyboard to start up some YouTube sensation, two oddballs singing the praises of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. Across from him, the big kid guitarist whips out his smartphone and tucks it away again, a tick of habit, and then closes his eyes to snooze off the sleep deprivation from the usual Saturday night club gig.

A fork full of waffle helps the fried chicken go down. Ridiculous makes hilarious. We all chuckle on the greenroom couches. And so the bandmate clicks to replay.

I check the clock, the ancient variety with the round face and hypnotizing hands. And then the saxophonist, a philosopher of sorts, turns to my husband to ask what’s going to become of the book industry with all this new media.

We talk of folded page corners, notes penciled in margins, and the cracking sound a book makes when its covers are pulled back like shoulders stretching to the spine. I think of our little library at home whose shelves are lined with the Harvard Classics I rescued from a dumpster. Talk turns to end times and conspiracy theories, and I scoot out to the edge of my seat. I vow it then, to become a book hoarder, to have something in hand in case the digital grid fizzles and goes kaput. And, you know, part of me wants it to. Maybe then the potential of face to face won’t be spent staring at a screen.

Soon, our friend, the worship leader, comes in to pray over the band, that we will make more than a joyful noise, that we will play with excellence. It’s a quick amen and we’re stepping out into the dark hall backstage. I put my hand in the bend of my husband’s elbow and let him lead me to my mic on his way to the drums. I squint in the beam of a spotlight.

Across the platform, the newcomer grand piano glows in the colored stage lighting, promising to rival the usual keyboard. The mics are hot and ready. The electric guitar revs. The snare whips. The saxophone whirs.

And then something pops loud, something unseen.

It kills the rainbow of lights, the white noise of speakers, the slight feedback of amplifiers. A few scattered lights compete with the dark. Tech guys scurry, tugging on wires, twisting plug-ins. I look past the hundreds of chairs, only half of them filled, now stuck in the shadows of the power outage. At the faraway entrance, natural light and gawkers peek into the black. They stop their feet at the doors.

I set my mic back in its stand and catch a wink from my husband, the only unpaid musician in the band. He turned away his share of the Sunday morning money for a higher reward, to let the holy rhythm rush through him, to mouth the words and express his heart right on beat. The partial power outage may be our little dream come true, this whole mess of excellence finally unplugged.

The piano’s lid prop points up like an old church steeple. I picture us all gathered around the instrument, blending our voices in mid-air, hearing them resonate as one.

There are skitters and whispers behind. I turn to see the lead pastor in a panic, looking for the culprit. Nothing’s working, not switching wires, not flipping switches on the circuit board, not restarting things in the soundbooth.  To me this is a sign to go with it, to let the people be more than an audience, more than swaying spectators whose voices have no chance of being heard over the booming speakers. This is our chance to let them be a congregation. Minutes are ticking by. The pastor sends the worship leader out with a prayer to stall for time. His voice is small in the sizable space.

In the balcony, there is a laying of hands on the soundboard. I cringe. I know God will probably give them over to their desires like He did when Israel begged for a king so they could fit in among the nations, so they could be relevant.

Another unexplainable click and pop and then something that sounds like an old slide projector. Red, yellow, green, blue. The lights cycle through as the system reboots. Our opportunity is lost. A tap of the mic. Check- 1, 2, 3. A strum of the acoustic. The rumble of the bass. People applaud as they crowd in. And someone onstage sings out in a farcical vibrato the cliche meant for concert halls: “The show must go on.”

Comfort Food for the Trampled Soul

We pull our chopsticks from their wax paper wrappers, snap them apart and graze them against one another, like twigs starting a fire or iron sharpening iron, to smooth out the splinters while our food steams and cooks in the kitchen.

I turn the English and pinying side of the menu over to the real menu, the one my friend reads. I search the code for familiar symbols. She points to the boxes, lines and curves that she’s just spoken softly for our waitress, and teaches me how to recognize the characters. I keep up the work on the chopsticks while I practice my Chinese. Curls of wood settle on the worn table. I flip the menu over to my cheat sheet and then back again to study the hanzi.

First, the waitress brings out a plate of snow peas. Then, another of stir-fried eggs and tomatoes. And my friend tells me how her grandparents made this for her in the countryside where she spent her girlhood sick in bed.

I lean closer to hear her faint voice. I focus my eyes on her mouth, reading her lips as she ekes out the words from her trampled soul. She winces always, as if something is coming right for her, and now I’m starting to understand why. Her parents had sent her away, their one child a disappointment on the Darwinian scale, barely surviving, unfit.

I look out the door of the restaurant at the wooden crate, a rickety step upholstered in red carpet. Yarny fibers collapse under the load of automobile crud, spittle and vegetable scraps. I hear her meaning through the language gap. She bends under her own load, wondering if she’s born to be trodden underfoot.

We dig our chopsticks into the comfort food and scrape it into our bowls, onto soft beds of white rice. Her words come out quiet like a prayer filtered into a feathery pillow.

“But when I see the film,” she recalls scenes from the movie based on Luke’s telling of Jesus’ ministry, “how He loves the sick…I am very surprised- very surprised!”

I lay my chopsticks across the rice bowl. I picture my friend laying down on her cot in the countryside, mostly dead like Jairus’ daughter, except my friend didn’t have a daddy calling out to Jesus for her.

But Jesus, He who laid down his own life to raise her up, He found her nonetheless.

Here she is across the table telling me about Him with her round face like the moon reflecting some distant glory. She clasps her hands over her heart. And I have to do the like. I bring my hand first to rest on my chest and then to cover my mouth. I want to say His name out loud in the middle of this place that is scared of Him. If only they knew His meekness, quietness, how He changes the diagnosis with a gentle touch.

“He sees you,” I tell her, “He knows your need.” She  feels this already and opens her eyes, not wincing like before.

We put our smoothed-out chopsticks to work. Ginger and sesame oil trickle from our comfort food, hit the taste buds and slide to the core, nourishing. She is quickened, suddenly feeling her worth under the care of our Great Physician.

 

{Happy Chinese New Year! Below is an authentic recipe for Stir-Fried Eggs & Tomatoes. A friend in China taught me how to make this simply delicious comfort food the way her family makes it at home.}

Stir-Fried Eggs & Tomatoes

6 eggs
2 teaspoons sesame oil (optional)
olive oil
1/2 inch of fresh ginger, grated
1 clove of garlic, chopped
sea salt
scallions (optional)
ripe red tomato, roughly chopped

Beat the eggs with sesame oil or water and season with a dash or two of sea salt.
In frying pan, heat olive oil on medium heat.
Stir-fry ginger, garlic, salt and scallions in oil for about a minute, being careful not to burn.
Add tomatoes and stir-fry for about a minute.
Pour egg mixture in and stir until the eggs set.

Serve over rice. We use germinated brown rice when my hubby’s not home and white Basmati rice when he is. :) Serve alongside sauteed garlic green beans or stir-fried broccoli or bok choi.

Snowdrift Hymns

Tiny notes hammered on the hidden harp float up into my little ears and flutter about like snowflakes looking for a place to land. My daddy’s voice comes in on lead. Reverb passes through walls like the resurrected Christ. Warm in this fortress, I open my eyes and squint at sunlight magnified over bright snow.

Years of Sunday mornings I wake up this way, with the sound of hymns as my alarm clock, and smile as I stretch out of my pilled-up nightgown and slip into a smocked dress to head to our gathering place. There in the stream of light filtering through stained glass, I click my buckled shoes on linoleum and watch Daddy move his hands like a gust of wind swooping and bouncing the words out to us in 3/4 time.

I look down at page 236 in Great Hymns of the Faith, follow the path of the notes on the lines of the treble clef, and listen to my mom turn them into music on the church piano. I hear steadfast men bellowing bass notes and graceful women with their shivering vibratos.

I sing with them.

Slowly the feathery fragments find one another, waft on bursts of winter wind and drift their way into piles, each individual with its delicate symmetry joining with the one next to it.

I know these words by heart already and so I slide the green fabric-covered hymnal into the wooden slot on the back of the pew. I can recite the musical poetry, but I don’t yet know what these words will mean to me when someday I will walk through the halls of another church and wonder if He can really forgive me for all the ways I’ve wronged Him.

The choir’s harmonies will swirl in the air and those words will drift together, phrase upon phrase, note upon note, and they will pile on the years of Sunday morning truths sung out, altogether heaped into a strong fort of grace that saved a wretch like me.

(We revel in the hymns in our house. I want my kids to know them by heart, too. Click below to hear my baby girl singing her favorite tune.)

Grace in the Grocery

Footsy

I have squeezed his shoulder with the Vulcan death grip. I have growled low and almost yelled out “I am Mommy, hear me roar!” I have stared him down and let him know not to cross me.

All this in the middle of the grocery.

He sits next to his little sister, too close for comfort today. They are playing a mean game of footsy and, boy, they are mouthy. I see the scowls on shoppers’ faces, telling me I’m not doing enough. My brain goes like a dot matrix printer etching out my defense. These noisy things in my cart aren’t robots moved about by Mommy’s secret remote control. They are individuals, little people with big wills and loud voices.

We round an end cap and it is our character flaws on display. I want to cry. It wouldn’t be new; I’ve cried in public more times than I can count. I’m a soul born without armor and the makeshift do-it-yourself exterior seems to crack under pressure. I put my hands to the steel curves of the cart and push along.

I think of Rosie Jetson with that round motherly metal, the square smile and those dialed-in eyes, sympathetic, unjudging. If I could be that sturdy…. If I could find that kind of help….

I come to reality with a slap on the face, big brother leaving pink on the cheek of little sister. I don’t know what comes over me, but I feel calm for a minute and find the clarity of mind to put my go-to disciplinary plan in gear.

I look him in the eye, gently this time, and tell him to do the same to her. I point to the mark on her face. He takes the time to show he knows what he’s done, then frames her face with his hands and asks her to forgive.

Just as they hug, I hear a little voice from behind. “You did that just right,” the mystery woman says, “the way you had him look into her eyes while he asked for forgiveness.” I turn toward her, this petite force of grace. I can’t see the smile on her face. It hides behind a homemade medical mask.

My eyes water up at this unexpected word, this healthy helping of kindness from an ailing woman.

I look down at the hem of her charcoal gray frock. I want to tell her about the fire in my chest and the clenching of my fists and my near roar, how I am undone, undeserving.

“I haven’t been so good today,” I admit out loud, the sudden kindness leading me to repentance. Gray hair peeks out from the mesh bonnet that covers her head. She in her plain-people clothing and me in my jeans, we stand still in the lavish truth that “He has not dealt with us according to our sins.”

And I’ve found grace in the grocery store.

(Psalm 103:10, Romans 2:4)

Starfields: A Song for Epiphany

"To stand embraced by the shadows of a friendly tree with the wind tugging at your coat-tails and the heavens hailing your heart...." -from The Journals of Jim Elliot (Artwork used with permission: Blue Boabab Tree by Jennifer Moffett)

The night sky was free of clouds
The village fields held no fire
The people sang their pain out loud
There they danced and never tired
Off the map and through the mountains
I stumbled on that place
And found a harvest ripe with stars
In the fields of outer space

He led me through the starfields
He kept me looking up
He led me through the starfields
The Keeper of them all

I was beset with bittersweetness
At the fencepost where I stood
‘Cause knowing how way leads on to way
I had to say goodbye for good
Then I looked up and saw it streaming
I was cradled in its bend
In the dark someone was watching
Though He could not be seen

He led me through the starfields
He kept me looking up
He led me through the starfields
The Keeper of them all

We stand embraced in the shadows
Where the heavens hail our hearts
We turn from things that do not matter
And give ourselves again to God
I hope one day, He’ll grant us children
So we can lead them through
And pass along the stories
Of what we have seen Him do

We’ll lead them through the starfields
We’ll keep them looking up
We’ll lead them through the starfields
We’ll help them ponder God

He will lead us through the starfields
He will keep us looking up
He will lead us through the starfields
The Maker of them all

© 2004, Darcy Wiley

Inspired by personal experience & the January 16, 1951 entry in The Journals of Jim Elliot“I walked out to the hill just now. It is exalting, delicious. To stand embraced by the shadows of a friendly tree with the wind tugging at your coattail and the heavens hailing your heart, to gaze and glory and give oneself again to God–what more could a man ask? Oh, the fullness, pleasure, sheer excitement of knowing God on earth! I care not if I never raise my voice again for Him, if only I may love Him, please Him. Mayhap in mercy He shall give me a host of children that I may lead through the vast star fields to explore His delicacies whose fingers’ ends set them to burning. But if not, if only I may see Him, touch His garments, and smile into His eyes–ah, then, not stars nor children shall matter, only Himself.”